


64. paper moon

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [6]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene, eh kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7402768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s okay, Sarah,” Helena says. “They are babies. They will not know that you are a shit craft-maker.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	64. paper moon

Helena is busy cutting out a golden paper star when Sarah puts down her scissors, sighs loudly, and says: “I don’t think I get it.”

Helena blinks at her placidly and continues cutting. Stars have five points, except when they have four or six. She’s been paying close attention to Disney movies and picture books. She thinks this is how it goes.

“It’s for the babies,” she says, and at the word her hand darts to her stomach unthinkingly. Instinct. She loves so much that this is an instinct, now, one that she has – her body understanding perfectly the fact that she is a mother. It’s the most beautiful unknowing thing her body has ever done for her.

“Yeah, I know,” Sarah says. “I just don’t…” She trails off, frustrated, and Helena stops cutting to look at Sarah’s collage. It’s just a bunch of random shapes, bright colors, no pattern to it. Sarah’s used too much glue. Helena used to also use too much glue; it makes her heart warm, a little, that Sarah would make the same mistakes as her.

“It’s okay, Sarah,” she says. “They are babies. They will not know that you are a shit craft-maker.”

“ _Oi_ ,” Sarah says, the word without any bite in it. “First of all, who taught you _shit_ , because—”

“It was you,” Helena says peacefully, and the spare paper falls off her scissors with a soft sighing sound.

“Oh,” Sarah says. “Shit.”

“Yes,” Helena says. Sarah frowns guiltily at no point in particular. Helena smiles at her, almost sharp; when Sarah doesn’t look back she sighs and keeps talking.

“Also,” she says, grabbing the gluestick and smearing it over the back of the star, “I love your shapes. My babies will also love them. I will tell them that their Auntie Sarah made these shapes for them, and I think that they will know. That you did this.”

Next to her Sarah goes quiet. She grabs another piece of paper and stares at it dumbly, like she’s waiting for it to speak to her. She still looks so sad! Helena didn’t want her to look this sad. She just wanted – she just wanted to spend time with Sarah. That’s what this is for, really. _Sestra_ Alison had said that she would make as many crafts as the babies wanted, but Helena wanted to sit here with Sarah and cut out tiny paper moons.

“You’re gonna be so good at this,” Sarah says, and Helena looks up – startled – to see Sarah staring at the scissors like they’ve done something to hurt her. Her voice is so sour. “You’re gonna be – such a great mum, Helena, I’m so happy for you.”

“Not without you,” Helena blurts, feeling like a little girl clinging to the skirts of the women who visited the convent. _No, don’t leave, I wanted you to be my family._

That makes Sarah look up, though. There’s something wounded in her eyes. Helena thinks, sharp and sudden and awful, about the way the deer bled out in the snow.

“You are a good mother,” she says urgently, “and I want – I want to be good, like you, I want you there. I want my babies to know you. Sarah, I—” and she stops. She can’t keep going. She shouldn’t.

“What,” Sarah says, and Helena is so bad at not doing the things Sarah wants her to do. It hurts so much when she doesn’t, every single time.

“ _I_ want to know you,” she whispers to her blue-and-yellow paper sky. “I want to make collages with you, and tell each other secrets, and I want you to be there when my babies are born and I want them to know you too.” She stops, feeling sick and ashamed. Goes back to cutting out another star. This one’s going to have seven points, because she says so.

“I will,” Sarah says, voice leaking the same urgency. “I’ll be there.”

“Do you promise,” Helena whispers. She puts down the scissors, and her half-finished star, and she grabs Sarah’s hands because Sarah has to know. Sarah has to _get it_.

Sarah’s hands are dry and cracked between Helena’s own. Sarah’s skin cracks in different places than Helena’s does. Helena doesn’t know why that makes her want to cry.

“Of course,” Sarah says. “Yeah, I – of course I’ll be there, Helena.”

Her eyes dart away. Helena doesn’t tell Sarah that, that her eyes are running. She thinks that Sarah knows.

“Okay,” Helena says – quiet, simple, the word cupped between her palms like a flat stone. She drops Sarah’s hands and picks up the scissors again.

“Maybe don’t give ‘em my collage, though?” Sarah says.

“Oh, no, Sarah,” Helena says, “I will put it in a frame and we will keep it always.”

“You’re a little shit,” Sarah says, a grin cracking weakly across her face, “your babies are gonna grow up to be terrors.”

“Yes,” Helena says, “I am counting on this.” Sarah snorts, and then Helena starts laughing, and as the two of them sit and laugh over the mess of paper and glue Helena thinks it, sudden, warm: it’s all going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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